In Death
by Gatsby
Summary: X/L Xellos is forced to understand his feelings towards a certain red-haired sorceress under dire circumstances. Dark fic. R/R please!! :)


Author's Note: Alright, this is my first Slayer's fic. I've only been introduced to Slayers recently, so be gentle. I've only seen Slayers and Slayers Next, so any spoilers (or mistakes beyond these two series) are fair game. If characters are slightly OOC, forgive. Please read and review!!

Word of warning: Quite dark. Was very stressed when I wrote this. Stress-reliever. Or creator?

Pairings: X/L. 

Rating: Pg-13 (Maybe it should be higher…I don't know)

Did I forget anything? Ah, yes. 

Disclaimer: Not mine. Well, 'cept the story.

In Death 

_I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love._

_-- Mother Teresa_

            He watched from the darkness and he wanted to sigh. Lina, Lina, Lina. He knew it would come to this one day. She had grown in too much power and therefore a threat to the mazoku race. Now had they been honourable creatures, they would challenge her as opposed to resort to stabbing her during the night.

When he was instructed to kill her, he knew he couldn't say no. Disobeying his master was not an option. But it didn't stop him from….feeling.

             He wasn't quite sure what he felt. That was the source of his discontent. He had been…feeling things as of late. He could actually pinpoint it to the day when he first met Lina Inverse. The question was, what were these feelings. It had been over a thousand years since he felt anything, and the occasional emotions were usually of boredom and the desire to annoy the human race.

But with Lina Inverse. She had began stirring emotions that he had long forgotten. It was from a time he'd rather forget and yet…The emotions were unfamiliar. He'd feed on negative emotions of humans, and recognized them immediately if it was hatred, pain or fear. These emotions…he must not have felt them even while he was once a human, a long time ago.

            What were they? It annoyed him at first. And then it began to intrigue him. Why did he have these bizarre emotions whenever he looked at Lina. He was especially fascinated about what he felt whenever she destroyed something. It made him smile, a real smile, not his usual mask of cheerfulness. 

Right now, his problem was that whatever he was feeling was threatening to overwhelm him. When he was instructed to destroy Lina Inverse, the emotions from within came up immediately and threatened to spill on his face of coolness and cheerfulness. He realized that he didn't want to. But saying no to your master is never an option in the Mazoku realm. He cheerfully agreed even though his insides were in turmoil.

Each step to Lina's bed was asleep was difficult, if not more difficult from the previous step. He reminded himself that at the end of this, he wouldn't have to deal with these emotions he was feeling and life would be much easier. He would stop thinking about her or desiring to be with her.

Xellos Metalium tightened his grip onto the dagger and forced himself to push aside what he was feeling. He needed to get his work done. 

Lina was so beautiful in the moonlight. Sometimes, he would forget that she was, in actual effect, the enemy. Truly a creature who destroys so often was a creature of darkness. She was much more beautiful by the moonlight and the dark skies rather in the sun. Perhaps, his favourite memory of Lina would be of her by the fireside, in deep thought. Her face was of determination, while the fire further enhanced the fiery red hair and ruby eyes.

Xellos unexpectedly sighed. Which caused Lina to wake up.

Lina was awakened by the sound of a sigh. She was immediately alerted to a presence in her room and sat up, ready for action.

"Who's there?! Show yourself, or I'll fireball you out of your existence!" Lina threatened. 

"Don't have to destroy the inn and wake up the guests!" Xellos appeared with his usual grin. "It's only me."

"You! What are you doing in my room? Why I oughta-" Lina never finished her sentence. "Fireball!"

            Lina never managed to fully cast the spell for Xellos caught onto her hand and the spell dissipated immediately. Lina glared at Xellos who was still smiling. Lina knew the number of times she hit him was only because he allowed her to hit him. Stupid masochistic Mazokus!

            "What are you doing here?" she snapped.

            Was it Lina's imagination but did a dark shadow cross Xellos' usual cheerful demeanor. 

"That's-"

            "A secret. Yada, yada. Yada." Lina yawned. "Now why don't you be a good little Mazoku and let me get back to sleep. So make yourself like a tree and leave. Before I dragon slave you to oblivion." Pointless threat to a powerful General-Priest, but oh well. She wouldn't be Lina Inverse, Dramatta if she did not threaten.

            Lina wondered what was wrong with the usually cheerful and annoying Trickster Priest. His head bowed lower allowing his hair to cover his eyes. Lina could see for the briefest of moments a look of determination and torture grace Xellos' handsome features before she was overwhelmed by a sharp tearing, hot-white pain in her body. Lina looked down in horror to see a dagger embedded within her body, and the owner's hand still on its handle. There was blood everywhere, seeping out of her body and along with it her life source. Lina looked up at Xellos, the pain consuming her.

            "Xellos. Why?"

            Xellos appeared stunned and horrified. Could it be possible? The heartless mazoku seemed shock by his own actions. "Sore wa himitsu desu," he whispered automatically.

            What had he done? The emotions that he kept in checked poured out immediately. What had he done? Xellos watched his Lina, his beautiful Lina collapse onto the bed, her breathing shallow. What had he done? 

            "Lina-chan, I'm so sorry!" Xellos breathed out. There was blood, blood everywhere. It was flowing out of Lina, soaking the sheets on the bed. Blood, red as ruby. Rubies like Lina's eyes. Which were dimming as the seconds past.

            Xellos was in a frenzy. He killed Lina. And the pain he felt along with hers was intense. As oppose to enjoying her negative emotions, Xellos was at loss at watching Lina die. Death. Lina was dying.

            "Hold on, Lina-chan." Xellos said, his mask of cheerfulness disappearing. His face was full of raw emotions. Confusion, pain and hurt. "I'll save you."

            Xellos tried to think of the way to save Lina. He couldn't heal her, he didn't know how. He knew how to hurt, to kill and to destroy. But to save someone and to heal someone. He didn't know how to do that.

            "Lina-chan. Pledge to me. Please. Pledge to me," he said. "Lina, it'll save you."

            Lina couldn't quite hear what he was saying. The pain was intense and she felt herself weakening, going in and out of consciousness. Summoning the last vestige of her strength, she could see Xellos. He was saying something.

            "Pledge to me. Please. Pledge to me."

            "I would never pledge to be a mazoku. You killed me, Xellos," she muttered bitterly.

            Xellos felt each word stab him in the heart. He killed her. She was dying because of his hands. "But you'll live, Lina. In a different form but you'll live."

            Lina saw something she had never seen Xellos do. He was crying. All the anger and betrayal she felt melted away. The tears were falling down his cheeks and she didn't think he noticed. She reached out to touch his face, the simple act was so difficult to do.

            "You're crying."

            Xellos, held her hand by his cheek and felt his tears. So he was crying. 

            Was this the true face of a Mazoku? Why was he in pain when he should be rejoicing over her impending death? Lina knew deep within her heart that one day, there might have been a confrontation between Xellos and her. That he would eventually be the one she would have to try and destroy. She knew it would come down to this, that he would kill her. But did it have to be so soon? She was still young and she still loved her life.

            It wasn't the question of if. It was the question of when. Lina had wondered before, how her favourite Mazoku would react to her death. Would he rejoice? Would he simply look at it as a job well done? Would he feel, at least, feel a bit of sadness over her death? He was a Mazoku, he wasn't supposed to feel.

            And yet, here he was crying. If Lina had any strength left, she would smile, laugh and hug him. She knew that there was a reason that she felt this way for him. It took death to finally understand her feelings. No matter how many times she had denied it, she knew there was a reason why her feelings towards Xellos existed and continued to exist. Mazokus may not feel, but this particular one did. And that was the reason why she loved him. 

            "Xellos."

            Xellos looked at her, the pain in his face obvious. With the last of her strength, Lina smiled and whispered, "Aishiteru".

            And with those words, Lina Inverse, Bandit killer, Dragon Spooker and all around Sorcery Genius, died.

            Xellos' eyes widened as the light from Lina's eyes disappeared. "Lina, don't die on me," he whispered. "Lina, please wake up. Don't do this to me."

            But Lina never woke up. Xellos cradled her into his arms, the tears were free-flowing now. "Lina," he whispered. "Wake up." 

            "Lina!" he howled, in pain. 

            He shouldn't be feeling this. He should be going back now and report that he had done his duty. He may have done his duty and he remained loyal to his master. At a price. Lina's life. His life. As he held onto Lina, he fully understood those feelings that had bothered him earlier. 

            At the yell, Zelgadis, Amelia and Gourry rushed to the source of the sound, and that was Lina's room. Each of them ready to help Lina out. When the three of them burst through the door, they found a broken Mazoku, crying helpless cradling the dead body of Lina Inverse.

            Gourry was the first to regain his voice after the moments of shock. "Lina!!" Amelia was horrified, her hand to her mouth and the tears in her eyes. It was Zelgadis who finally asked the unspoken question that hung in the air.

            "What happened?"

            The usually cheerful Mazoku looked up at Lina's three friends with a dull expression. "I killed her," he said, hoarsely.

            Again, the three friends were too stunned to say a word at first. But Gourry was the first to move, reacting without thinking. He pulled out his sword of light and charged at Xellos. "You bastard!" Amelia was second to react. Without giving her justice speech, she immediately charged with "Elmekia Lance" even though both of them knew that it was pointless to attack Xellos, one of the most powerful Mazokus around.

            Still not letting go of Lina, Xellos waved his arm and both Gourry and Amelia was thrown aside with the Elmekia Lance taking no effect on Xellos. The Sword of Light was flung across the room.

            "Amelia! Gourry!" Zelgadis cried out. Gourry slumped against the wall, injured. He was about to take up his Sword of Light and attack again when Zelgadis put his hand up, forbidding him to. There was no point. This was Xellos. He could only imagine what might be going through Gourry's mind. The anguish on Gourry's face was obvious. He believed that he had failed in his duty to protect Lina. Amelia got up from the floor, relatively unharmed by the attack and was about to attack again when she noticed Zelgadis.

            "Very wise of you, my stone friend." Xellos said softly. "Neither one of you would be able to even harm me."

            "How could you do this to Lina?" Amelia shouted, her voice warbling with tears. She was shaking from the turn of events.

            "Yes, how could I?" Xellos echoed. "I'm mazoku, remember?"

            Xellos could not take his eyes of Lina. Even in death, she was absolutely beautiful. Xellos gently stroked her hair. "I'm mazoku. This is what I'm meant to do, I'm meant to obey my master," he said softly. He couldn't tell if he was saying it to her friends or to himself.

            So what was left then? Was he to return back to his master and continue on living, pretending that this fragile human never affected his life? Would he rather go back and continue on living? Could he imagine, living on, without her? With the knowledge that he took her life? The life of someone who loved him?

            He was Mazoku. That was what he should do. 

            Xellos reached out for the Sword of Light. Effortlessly the sword flew into his hands. Gourry's eyes widened. Zelgadis involuntary shuddered as they waited their deaths.

            The brilliant shine from the Sword of Light illuminated the mazoku's face. For the first time in a thousand years, Xellos felt tired and weary. He took one last look at his beautiful Lina's face before he plunged the sword into himself.

            "Xellos-san!" Amelia screamed.

            Amelia seemed to have forgotten that it was this mazoku who had killed her dear, best friend just a moment ago. She ran towards him as he collapsed by Lina's side, his own essence ebbing away from him.

            Amelia kneeled by him, crying. She looked very much like the child she truly was. Xellos, coughed, the pain wrecking through his body. 

"Xellos-san, why?" Funny, it was the second time he was asked that question in one night. 

            Xellos Metallium smiled at her. "Nunc scio quit sit amor," he replied softly, in a tongue no one had spoken in many, many years. Xellos smiled at Amelia's confusion, knowing full well she didn't understand.

            "I don't understand," Amelia said helplessly. "What does it mean? What does all this mean? Tell me, Xellos-san!" Amelia was nearly hysterical.

            Xellos smiled. "Sorewa himitsu desu." With those words, Xellos Metallium the Trickster Priest died.

Fini 

_"Nunc scio quit sit amor"_

_Lat., "Now I know what love is"_

_-Virgil  ___


End file.
